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Chapter Thirty Nine: A Wilderness Confession

Before I conclude this book, I must confess to you, my reader, a weakness and a truth. I have an innate flesh nature to be inwardly angry towards so many aspects of the Catholic Church. Trust me, I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words on it, and much has been tied to my abuse perpetrated within the pews of those stained-glass cathedrals and tempestuous tunnels beneath their prestigious parishes. Even as I’ve gone through great healing and finding Yahweh’s freedom to forgive, lingering angst can fill my heart when contending with those who are subjects of Catholicism, especially Jesuits and Knights. I have seen Catholicism devour so many amazing people, and it breaks my heart. I burn with a similar fury at times when contending with the deception within the corporate Christian church and the countless sheep being led astray. The reason I must apologize to you is because of a stranger named Matthew, a man I’ve never met.

He sent me an email after watching one of the YouTube interviews I had done with David & Donna Carrico and Jon Pounders, some of the phenomenal folks over at Now You See TV and FOJC Radio. In Matthew’s message, he shared his journey of coming out of the Catholic church and finding the fullness of freedom in Messiah and walking in His Way. His story is not mine to share, but it gave me a perspective I so desperately needed.

Since I began to speak out publically in 2017, I have read hundreds of people’s testimonies. I have heard from people who were born into multi-generational Luciferian cults, Bible-thumping Baptist churches, and pagan temples. No matter its exterior mask, deception is a highly contagious spiritual infection of the most dangerous kind. Deception slides a threadbare veil of truth over our eyes as it plunders our minds of their logic, reason, and understanding. Reading Matthew’s testimony brought tears to my eyes, laughter at times too, but mostly tears of recognition. In his story, I heard the words of a child of The Redeemer whose shed blood rent the veil once and for all. I saw a man who has come to learn the power of persecution and wilderness wanderings.

Stepping out of the comfort zone of your religion be it a Muslim, a Christian, a scientist, a Hindu, or a Jew for the sake of The Messiah Jesus often sends you directly into the desert of wonderings. I do not deny it: I am calling people to come out of the traditions of men and the doctrines of deception, and to prepare for and fight in The War of The Ages. The place of preparation will always be in The Wilderness. Read about the life of David, Moses, Joseph, Jacob, and Jesus. Before people were brought into the fullness of their purpose, they were led to the wondering places of The Wilderness.

The desert can be a lonely place to those who do not see the cloud of His providence, nor feel the heat of His pillar of fire watching over them at night. Though we may be lonely, we will never be alone for we are with our Creator. Many fear The Wilderness, thinking it is only a dry and weary place, unable to see the miracles of freedom from their seductive shackles and comfortable chains. The Wilderness is where slaves are taught how to walk without shackles, and dance without fear or shame. It is the place where we are given The Instructions so we can learn to walk in His ways. Some will heed His call, but many will not. It is in The Wilderness that The Father taught me to lay down my hate to find forgiveness and love sprouting up in its place.

Though my flesh bids me to rage against those who are subtly leading and deceiving the masses, I must remember: have we not all once been enemies of Yahweh? (Col. 1:21) Have we not all fearfully sown in the flesh time and time again? But the goodness of our Creator is that He sees good seed hiding in the thistles, thorns, and tares. Concealed in those cathedrals, those witch covens and convenience store check out lines, is the greatest Remnant army this world has ever known. Amidst those tattered weary souls is a holy restlessness drawing them to Messiah. It calls to them in their sleep as they dream of a life where the misery fades, and joy is possible.

It is in The Wilderness He made the children of bondage into men and women who were prepared to go into The Promised Land filled with physical and spiritual giants of monstrous size, power, and strength. He sent them into the lands where the blood of the innocent had flown for far too long. It is because hidden among those tares were righteous wheat waiting for rescue. Amidst the walls of Jericho, a stronghold of ancient wickedness was Rahab, once a whore who would be found wholly faithful, a blessed servant and ancestor of our Redeemer. Amidst the walls of these deceit filled temples and churches of our modern day are sorrow-filled souls waiting for someone to show them that boldness and courage still abide in the Body of Messiah. Do not be afraid, dear reader, but remember what Yahweh said to Joshua the day before they set out on an impossible campaign.

“Now it came about after the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, that the LORD spoke to Joshua the son of Nun, Moses’ servant, saying, Moses My servant is dead; now therefore arise, cross this Jordan, you and all this people, to the land which I am giving to them, to the sons of Israel. Every place on which the sole of your foot treads, I have given it to you, just as I spoke to Moses. From the wilderness and this Lebanon, even as far as the great river the river Euphrates, all the land of the Hittites, and as far as the Great Sea toward the setting of the sun will be your territory. No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous, for you shall give this people possession of the land, which I swore to their fathers to give them. Only be strong and very courageous; be careful to do according to all the Law which Moses My servant commanded you: do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may have success wherever you go. This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua

Yahweh told Joshua three times to be strong and courageous because he was a person just like you and me. He was a man who had the flesh, which screamed at him to be quiet, just shut up, or they’ll think you’re nuts! We’ve all shared those same fears of rejections, fears of what men will think of us. You are not alone, but that is what The Wilderness is for. It is to burn away our former selves, to let us leave the man of flesh impaled on a stake where our Savior took our guilt, shame, and fears away. Walk boldly on the narrow Way for you will never walk alone.

Your days of wandering in The Wilderness will not last forever. Like every tree planted near streams of water, they will bear fruit, in their season. (Psalm 1) Let the Vinedresser prune back your flesh so that you can bear a greater harvest as He leads you over the Jordan and into The Promised Land.

The Wilderness is where He gives us His Instructions so that when we are called into the abundance of purpose, we do not wander from His ways. The Wilderness wanderings may be shorter, like the forty days of Jesus, or they may be like the forty years of Moses and David, or even like those of The Lost Sheep of the House of Israel who have been in The Wilderness for thousands of years. No matter what, the miracles you will see, the prayers answered, and the blooming of your faith will make it worth it. Without those days in The Wilderness, Chelsea and I never could have found a miracle waiting for the right time.

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